


I never felt so alive...and so dead

by AXEe



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Inspired by Florence + the Machine, Pining, Please Don't Hate Me, Sanvers - Freeform, Songfic, Title from a Florence + the Machine Song, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 04:44:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13263963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AXEe/pseuds/AXEe
Summary: If you love someone, you'll let them go...no matter how much it hurts to see them leave





	I never felt so alive...and so dead

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in a bit of blue mood today, so this...is just sad and bittersweet. Sorry :=(

******

_No walls can keep me protected_   
_No sleet—nothing between me and the rain_   
_And you can’t save me now, I’m in the grip of a hurricane_   
_I’m going to blow myself away_

They were there again, Astra noted, the third time this week. She had no qualms with them personally, but did they have to…rub it in?

“Astra, hey,”

She looked up, nodding politely in acknowledgement as Winn awkwardly settled down next to her at the bar, quietly ordering a club soda

“You OK?” he asked “you got this…I don’t know… _look_ on your face. Like someone kicked your puppy almost”

Astra looked over at him, the insult dying on her lips as she caught sight of her quarry again

_I’m going out, I’m going to drink myself to death_   
_And in the crowd I see you with someone else_   
_I brace myself, ‘cause I know it’s going to hurt_   
_But I like to think that at least things can’t get any worse_

“You wouldn’t understand” she finally said quietly

Winn followed her gaze, spotting the two people she was watching

“Uh-huh,” he muttered, unconvinced “sure,” he drawled

_No walls can keep me protected_   
_No sleet—nothing between me and the rain_   
_And you can’t save me now, I’m in the grip of a hurricane_   
_I’m going to blow myself away_

Astra hated this. She hated having to watch this. Logically, she knew that she could just very easily get up and walk—or fly—away and not have to be here.

But she couldn’t look away. She’d once heard the expression ‘train wreck syndrome’, and later found that it was used to describe the inability to look away from something awful to see, the way people just froze and stared in amazement at the sight before them.

Fitting, she thought.

_I’m going out, I’m going to drink myself to death_   
_And in the crowd I see you with someone else_   
_I brace myself, ‘cause I know it’s going to hurt_   
_But I like to think that at least things can’t get any worse_

She ordered another shot of Abdebran whiskey, a bigger one this time

“So…” Winn began “which one is it?”

“Does it matter?” Astra spat cynically as she downed her shot in one go, enjoying the way it burned on the way down. She was going to be massively hungover tomorrow she knew

“No,” Winn sighed “guess not”

_I hope that you can see me, ‘cause I’m looking at you_   
_But when you look over, you look right through_   
_Then you lean and kiss her on the head_   
_And I never felt so alive…and so dead_

“She’s happy, isn’t she?” Astra asked softly

Winn frowned, looking back over at the two women off in the distance, watching at how Alex leaned over and gave Maggie a kiss on the cheek, laughing and giggling as she pulled away, briefly glancing in their direction but not seeing them, at the very least, not seeing Astra anyway

“She looks happy” Winn finally muttered, feeling like scum at having to watch Astra crumble before his eyes and being unable to do anything but watch Alex fall for someone else

Astra nodded stiffly

“Then…that’s all that matters” she declared

_I’m going out, I’m going to drink myself to death_   
_And in the crowd I see you with someone else_   
_I brace myself, ‘cause I know it’s going to hurt_   
_But I like to think that at least things can’t get any worse_   
_I’m going out_

Alex was happy, that was the only thing that mattered, she told herself

Now if only she could stop the pain of that realization…

_I’m going out, I’m going to drink myself to death_   
_And in the crowd I see you with someone else_   
_I brace myself, ‘cause I know it’s going to hurt_   
_But I like to think that at least things can’t get any worse_   
_I’m going out_   
_I’m going out_   
_I’m going out_   
_I’m going out_   
_I’m going out_   
_I’m going out_

**END**

**Author's Note:**

> I'm cruel and mean, I know, let me know what you thought


End file.
